Can I Become Addicted to My Vibrator?

Have you wondered, “Can I become addicted to my vibrator?” If so, you aren’t alone! I get this question all the time and today I’m gonna put the kabosh on it in a major way. The short answer:

Yes…but not in the way you think.

At the risk of getting a little feminist, the core of this question really stems from a fear of female sexuality. It comes from the same line of thinking that sees orgasms as something that are “given,” usually by a partner. That line of thinking, specifically, goes a little something like this: if women can control their own pleasure, what role do partners play in their lives?

If that sounds harsh, its because it is! But I want to give you an understanding of where this fear of becoming addicted to your vibrator comes from. There’s also the fact that this thinking continues today. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard some variation of “Well my partner is worried that if I have a toy I won’t need them…”

Sex toys and partners fill different roles.

That’s what people asking this question don’t always realize. As much as toys are amazing, they aren’t the same as another living breathing human. Some nights you’ll want one over the other but there is most definitley room for both. Heck it’s even more fun when you have both at the same time!

To drive this point home, let me pose the question one last way: “If I can orgasm with a vibe, why do I even need a partner?”

Did reading that make you feel a little blech? Writing it certainly did for me! Not only because we know partners and toys have two different purposes but also because orgasms, fabulous as they are, are not the only point of sex.

So here’s the truth:

A vibrator can only ruin you in the way boring sex can.

What do I mean by that? Well let’s look at the science for a minute. I know I know – feminism and science in one post!? Say you have one vibe at home. After all, you love it so why bother buying a new one? Now say every time you masturbate you are lying on your stomach with your legs closed…or perhaps on your back with your legs butterflied. Every. single. time.

Guess what ? Your body is smart. Your nerve endings, the ones that give you super fabulous sensation, learn. What they learn is that this is the way to experience pleasure: using that toy in that position with that amount of pressure.

Now what happens when you have some sexy time with your partner in, say, a different position (doggie-style perhaps)? In the short-term? Most likely nothing. If you’re already an orgasmic person, you won’t notice changes right away. But say this toy habit goes on for longer…months, even years. Same position, same toy (yes a good toy will last you that long!), same pressure, etc. Even the most orgasmic of my clients reports struggling to enjoy when they switch it up. Essentially they’ve become dependent not only on their vibe but also on all the ‘other’ things they do when they use their vibe.

So no -the vibe itself cannot “ruin” you. And seriously -can we scrap this language too? Nothing can ruin you, period. Not mixing things up an make things difficult but you are still totally worthy of pleasure and passion and appreciation.

steps off soap box

This isn’t your fault

You did what felt good and deserve mad props for following your pleasure. Thankfully, just like you trained your body to rely on this masturbation experience for orgasm, there are ways to unlearn and retrain your pleasure too. But alas, to avoid writing you a book..and because sensuality is all about surprise…you’ll have to wait until next week to learn how.

Click here for Part 2: How to Retrain Your Body for Pleasure

Your Partner in Passion,

Kait xo