Can I Become Addicted to My Vibrator?

Person sitting on a canopy bed surrounded by pillows with their hair cascading over their shoulder. | Can I become addicted to my vibrator? | Passion by Kait

Have you wondered, “Can I become addicted to my vibrator?” If so, you aren’t alone! I get this question all the time and today I’m gonna put the kabosh on it in a major way. The short answer:

Yes…but not in the way you think.

The core of this question stems from a fear of female sexuality. It comes from the same line of thinking that sees orgasms as something that are “given,” usually by a partner. That line of thinking, specifically, goes a little something like this: if women can control their own pleasure, what role do partners play in their lives?

If that sounds harsh, its because it is! But I want to give you an understanding of where this fear of becoming addicted to your vibrator comes from. There’s also the fact that this thinking continues today. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard some variation of “Well my partner is worried that if I have a toy I won’t need them…”

Sex toys and partners fill different roles.

Listen – toys are amazing. They hit all your spots and triple the likelihood that you’ll experience orgasm.

They still aren’t the same as having another person with you.

Some nights you’ll want one over the other, but there is definitely room for both. Heck it’s even more fun when you have both at the same time!

To drive this point home, let me pose the question another way: If I can orgasm with a vibe, why do I even need a partner?”

Did reading that make you feel a little blech? Writing it certainly did for me! Not only because we know partners and toys have two different purposes but also because orgasms, fabulous as they are, are not the only point of sex.

So here’s the truth:

A vibrator can only “ruin you” in the way that boring sex can.

What do I mean by that? Well let’s look at the science for a minute. I know I know – feminism and science in one post!? Say you have one vibe at home. After all, you love it so why bother buying a new one? Now say every time you masturbate you are lying on your stomach with your legs closed…or perhaps on your back with your legs butterflied. Every. single. time.

Guess what? Your amazing body is smart. Your nerve endings, the ones that give you super fabulous sensation, learn. What they learn is that this is the way to experience pleasure: using that toy in that position with that amount of pressure.

Now what happens when you have some sexy time with your partner in, say, a different position (doggie-style perhaps)? In the short-term? Most likely nothing. If you’re already an orgasmic person, you won’t notice changes right away. But say this toy habit goes on for longer…months, even years. Same position, same toy (yes a good toy will last you that long!), same pressure, etc. Even the most orgasmic of my clients reports struggling to enjoy when they switch it up. Essentially they’ve become dependent not only on their vibe but also on all the ‘other’ things they do when they use their vibe.

So no – the vibe itself cannot “ruin” you. And seriously – can we scrap this language too? Nothing can ruin you, period. You are worthy of pleasure and passion and appreciation simply for being you.

steps off soap box

Be proud for following your pleasure.

Even – especially! – if you find yourself a little too attached to your vibrator. Thankfully, just like you trained your body to rely on this masturbation experience for orgasm, you can unlearn your habits and retrain your pleasure too.

Kait xo