Like doggy style, anal sex is something people feel strongly about. You may have tried it and loved it, had a bad experience with it, or heard about your bestie’s bad experience. Here’s what you need to know to make sure this still-taboo sex act feels amazing.
Anal play is more than just penetration.
There are so many fun things you can do with the butt, from massage to intercourse. If you’re nervous about certain activities, take them off the table at first. This lets you explore the backdoor stress-free and figure out what you like and don’t like. Here are some ideas to get you started:
- Sensual booty massage
- Tickle, massage, stroke, and touch the butt cheeks, perineum (t’aint), and anal opening
- Use a vibe on the perineum or anal opening
- Finger the butt hole
- Lick in and around the anal opening (rimming).
- Use toys like butt plugs, anal beads, dildos, and vibrators. Make sure these have a flared base so they don’t get stuck anywhere.
- Wear a strap-on and penetrating your sweetie (pegging)
- Spanking, flogging, whipping, paddling.
Another way to ease into anal play is to do it at the same time as something you already love. Massage your sweetie’s perineum while you go down on them. Or use a vibrator on the butt hole during doggy style (this vibe is fabulous for that purpose). Mix and match whatever feels good to you.
Warm-up is a must.
To prevent pain and make sure anal feels good, warm-up is a must. As Charlie Glickman, the king of ass play and author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, says
90% of great anal sex is in your hands…If you can get your partner warmed up with your hands, then everything else is golden.
Warm-up involves deep breathing, external massage, and lubrication. Ultimately, it’s about getting you and your muscles relaxed. This not only makes everything feel more pleasurable, it also makes it easier if you want to have intercourse later.
The tissues in your butt are less elastic than in the vagina. So you’ve got to work your way up to penetration. Once you’re warmed up, start with one fingertip, finger, or small sex toy. Move up in size (both girth and length) as you’re comfortable. That might mean adding a finger at a time or using a bigger toy.
Not keen on using fingers? Here are some great beginners’ butt toys:
- Fun Factory Bootie butt plug
- Njoy Pure Plug in small
- Fun Factory Flexi Felix anal beads
- Fun Factory Amorino (remove the band)
Remember your -ations
That would be lubrication, relaxation, and communication.
- Lubrication. Lube is important for anal for so many reasons. First, the booty doesn’t make its own lube (the vagina can). Secondly, the tissues inside your ass are less elastic and more likely to get small tears. Lastly, lube makes sex feel better! Use more lube than you think you need, especially in the beginning as you figure out what feels good. Silicone lubes like Uberlube are perfect. Just don’t use them with a silicone sex toy.
- Relaxation. Stress and nerves cause the muscles in and around the butt to tighten. Hence the term “tight-ass”! This is why warm-up, being excited about your anal adventures, and only doing the things you want are are so important. Being stress free makes anal easier, more fun, and more pleasurable.
- Communication. When it comes to anal this involves two things: frequent check-ins and honest feedback. If you’re getting the pleasure, let your sweetie know to slow down, speed up, go back, shift positions, or stop. If you’re giving the pleasure, ask how things feel, especially before and immediately after changing it up. It might go a little like this:
“Does that feel ok? Are you ready for more? Can I go deeper?”
“Actually I’m still adjusting.” or “Yes but take it slow.” or “OMG YES!”
Remember: talking about sex doesn’t have to be so hard.
Anal play should never hurt.
Unless spanking or the like is involved, anal should never hurt. If it does, something isn’t right and you should stop immediately. Maybe you need more lube or to slow down or to stop and try again later.
Now if you’re exploring anal for the first time, it might feel awkward or uncomfortable. That’s expected. But pain is a no-no.
Anal sex can feel amazing.
The nerve that goes to the clitoris, labia, penis and scrotum also goes to the booty. That means anal play, when done right, can feel awesome and even make you orgasm. And using these tips to do it “right” gives you a real chance to figure out if it’s something you like…or not.
Because when it comes to having the intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life you desire, knowing what you don’t like is just as important as knowing what you do like.