How to Help Vaginal Dryness

Most of the time, you love sex. You love the kissing and the foreplay and the penetration and everything in between. But sometimes, even when you’re totally into it, your body doesn’t seem to get the message. You just aren’t getting wet! If that’s you, read on to learn how to help vaginal dryness.

Many things can make you dry during sex

Here are just some reasons you might be dry during sex.

  1. Certain medications like anti-depressants or birth control pills
  2. You just took a warm bath or shower
  3. You have certain medical conditions or recently had radtiation
  4. Dehydration. Maybe you celebrated too hard last night, started a new workout routine, or sit in a sweltering office all day. Whatever the reason, if the lips on your face are dry, you can bet your other lips will be too.
  5. Your partner is well-endowed or you’re using a big toy. Sex is friction, so the girthier the penis or toy, the more friction there is. Even if you’re pretty wet, sex with a big partner might use up that lube pretty quickly
  6. You’re using a condom. No one is sure why this happens but too many women report this
  7. You’re doing it in the butt. The anus doesn’t get wet in the same way as a vagina. No matter what type of backdoor adventures you having, lube is a must.
  8. You’re distracted, nervous, or stressed. Sometimes you feel stressed when you start having sex and other times your mind wanders to not-so-sexy to-do’s halfway through. When this happens, your body goes from aroused to stressed out. And then it stops sending blood to the vulva and stops signalling you to get wet.

There is no “average” wetness

Everyone has their own baseline for how wet they get naturally. Some people, regardless of all the factors listed above, gush the second someone touches their knee. Others, can do everything “right” and still feel dry. This is all within the range of normal and healthy.

You can be totally turned on and not wet (and vice versa)

Despite what you’ve been told, aroused wet, at least not always. Wetness (or hardness in people with penises) doesn’t tell you or your partner(s) anything about how turned on you actually are.

Genitals respond to sexy things that happen, regardless of whether you enjoy them and want more. Meanwhile, the brain says, “Oh yes this is fun, let’s keep going” or “no thanks!” The two don’t always align. This misalignment, called arousal non-concordance, happens 50 percent of the time in people with vulvas and about 10 percent of the time in people with penises.

I harp on these points because so often wetness is conflated with arousal and desire, and because for many years, “she was wet” has been touted as evidence that a sexual assault couldn’t be that. So let me say it one more time:

How wet or hard your genitals are says nothing about how into it you are or how consensual the sex is.

Read more: All About Arousal and Desire

How to Help with Vaginal Dryness

Now that you understand what’s happening, how the heck do you address it? Luckily, there are more options than ever before.

Stay hydrated

The simplest—and least expensive— way to help vaginal dryness is to make sure you’re drinking enough water and getting enough electrolytes! Too much of either won’t help.

Invest in a high quality lube

Lube not only addresses dryness, but it also enhances sensation, making every lick, stroke, and thrust feel that much better. Not all lubes are created equal, however, and many contain ingredients that can cause more dryness and irritation.

Here are some things to keep in mind when choosing a lube:

  • Avoid any lube with glycerin or parabens.
  • If you have seasonal allergies, you may want to avoid lubricants with plant extracts.
  • It’s safe to use water-based and silicone lubes with ANY type of condom.
  • If using lube with a male condom, add a few drops to the tip of the penis before slipping the condom on. Then put some on the outside of the penis and/or in and around your vaginal opening.
  • Water-based lubes make things feel wet but don’t last very long. This one by Maude is our favorite.
  • Silicone-based lubes makes things SUPER slippery and last forever! But they can’t always be used with silicone sex toys.
  • You can apply lube to yourself, your partner, or both.

For lubes designed specifically to help with vaginal dryness, we recommend this hyaluronic acid lube. As a natural substance found in bodily fluids like the eyes and joints, HA not only reduces friction but also aids in repairing irritation.

No matter why you’re dry during sex, lube helps. At it’s most basic, lube decreases friction. It also enhances sensation, making every touch and lick feel sexier. This is why it’s amazing for any sex, but especially important if you get dry for any reason.

Read more: Why Use Lube? 4 Reasons + How to Use it and Our Favourite Lubricants

Try a vaginal moisturizer

Unlike lube which is meant to be used during sex, you can use a vaginal moisturiser every day. These products help with vaginal dryness by creating a buffer and nourishing your vaginal lining. We recommend this one with pumpkin seed oil and sea buckthorn.

Alternatively, these suppositories contain chamomile and raspberry leaf. Simply insert one and let it work your magic.

Embrace all sorts of sexy times

Instead of focusing on sex acts where a wet vagina is preferable, enjoy the full range of sensual experiences. This includes everything from a steamy makeout session to oral sex to sensation play and other forms of kink.

Read more: What is Kink + Why It Improves Your Sex Life

Keep masturbating

I love that you play with yourself and watch porn. Don’t stop doing this. The more blood flow you get down there, the more supple and juicy the vaginal tissues stay. Since you and your partner are in a long distance relationship, self-pleasuring will be an important part of your overall sexual wellness. Similar to partner sex, you may want to expand your idea of what “counts” as masturbation.

Spend time on foreplay

Most people with vulvas need 10-40 minutes of sensual play to get fully aroused—heart rate up, lubrication started, flushed, panting, and practically begging for it.

Why the range? Getting aroused can be impacted by a variety of factors including but not limited to:

  • Stress
  • Medications
  • Medical conditions
  • Where you are in your menstrual cycle
  • Age

Read more: Slow the Eff Down and Savour Foreplay

Consider supplementing with vaginal estrogen

As people with vulvas age, the lining of the vagina thins and estrogen (a sex hormone) declines, making things dryer. While estrogen has gotten a bad reputation in recent years, Dr. Alyssa Dweck, a NY gynecologist, assures patients that minimally absorbed vaginal estrogen (not systemic estrogen replacement) is safe for the majority of people with vulvas. “It works quickly by getting to the root of the problem to replace what’s missing and reverse cellular changes.” While these benefits have been validated by research and the risk of potential downsides are reduced by vaginal use, whether or not it’s a good fit for you needs to be determined by a healthcare provider.

Talk to your doctors about vaginal rejuvenation

These in-office procedures use either lasers or radio frequencies to increase collagen production. This is thought to rejuvenate the tissues and enhance blood flow and lubrication. While some women report positive and satisfying results and require no anesthesia or daily medicine, Dr. Dweck notes a risk of complications such as infection and bleeding, and no relief. Because these procedures have neither been cleared by the FDA nor recommended by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology, they are not covered by insurance and are rather expensive.

Being dry during sex is common—but it doesn’t have to impact your sex life

It happens to almost everyone from time-to-time. Some vagina-havers will never get super wet but even for those who usually don’t have anything to worry about, keeping a bottle of lube and a bottle of water close by can only your sex life more fun. Thankfully, there are so many ways to have an intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life no matter how your body changes.

4 thoughts on “How to Help Vaginal Dryness

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

To Top