Did you know that your brain is your most important sex organ? It’s where arousal, desire, and orgasm happen. It’s also where stress, distress, and distraction happen. And it’s the answer when you wonder how to have a better orgasm.
Cis women who experience orgasm regularly have these things in common
Research comparing cis women who experience orgasm regularly versus those who don’t tells us that those who do:
- Experience more pleasure and have less sexual distress.
- Think erotic thoughts during both solo sex and sex with their partners.
- Believe that focusing on the physical sensations of sex are the best thoughts during the moment.
- Use more than one kind of stimulation (eg clitorial, vaginal, anal, nipple, etc) simultaneously – especially during intercourse.
- Get more creative in the bedroom (or wherever).
All but two of these directly relate to what’s going on up top during sexy times. Of the two that are physical, both relate to a willingness to think and talk about sex with your beau. So really, they’re all mental.
Now that you know how important getting your head in the game is for more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex, here’s 4 ways these lessons can help you experience more pleasure and teach you how to have a better orgasm.
4 Ways to Think Yourself to a Better Orgasm
- Get curious and creative. Regularly ask yourself, “what else?” What else feels good? What else turns you on? What else do you find sexy AF? What else turns you off? Your answers will change throughout your life as your body and relationship(s) evolve. So continually asking this question ensures that you’ll always have new things to try.You can start solo. Stroke your hands, toys, or other props all over your body, lingering where it feels good. Want to get your beau involved? Try this for a steamy date night in.
- Fantasize away whether you are alone, with a partner, or just going about your life. Want to share your fantasy with your beau without feeling awkward? Here’s how. Need some sexy inspiration for your fantasies? Check out my favorite romance novels from this year.
- Focus on physical sensations. Identify three things you feel. Maybe it’s the sheets beneath you, the air going in and out of your lungs, and your heartbeat speeding up. Add in the other senses if you want! I recommend practicing first in non-sexual situations like working out or walking your dog, then during solo sex, and lastly with a partner. Or jump right in.
- Do one thing every damn day just because it makes you feel good. Sex and masturbation are great options- so are impromptu dance parties, being in nature, running through sprinklers, or making snow angels with your puppy. This puts pleasure on your mind, making it easier to focus on in more intimate moments.
Train your mind to receive pleasure.
Your mind plays a big role in your ability to experience pleasure, orgasm, and sexual distress. Why not treat yourself by focusing on the first two?