“It’s hot to see you take control of this situation,” I texted. “I really can’t wait to see you later. 😘”
So began my Monday!
Long story short – the beau and I were dealing with a crappy apartment situation, he stepped up, and I found it all sorts of sexy. So I told him! He appreciated it and we continued to flirt the entire day and into the evening. No fooling around ultimately happened, but we had lots of fun and felt more connected, two keys to having a sex life that’s as intimate, exciting, & fulfilling as the rest of your relationship (and avoiding comfy relationship hell). Plus, it inspired this post – in which I share 5 reasons why sexting is fantastic for your relationship and 10 tips for sexting that make it super easy and fun.
Sexting Helps you get in the Mood More Quickly.
If you struggle with this, one of the best things to do is keep sex on your brain throughout the day. As I wrote in this post about getting turned on:
Getting in the mood doesn’t always just happen.
Despite what you see in movies, books, and everywhere else, it’s plain not true.
There definitely are times you and your sweetie look at each other and BOOM! are ready to go. But often one or both of you need something more.
Your body & brain need to shift from your day to being intimate.
This is called responsive desire. It’s really common, especially (but not only) among women. More importantly: it is totally healthy and normal.
As the name suggests, responsive desire is when you feel aroused after sexy things — touching, kissing, fantasizing, etc — happen. It’s why you don’t want sex until after you start fooling around.
Sexting obviously helps you do this! By flirting throughout your day, you prep yourself for sexy times later. You tell your brain, “This is important. Let’s work towards this!” And your wonderful brain, always wanting to problem solve and move you towards your goals, prioritizes sex. This means it’s easy to get into it when the time comes because you’ve have foreplay all day long.
Sexting keeps you connected all day long.
In your beautifully full lives, you don’t often have as much time as you want with your sweetie. Finding creative ways to stay connected is always important but even more so if you don’t have much time together. Sexting is a fun, flirty, sexy way to communicate. Plus, it adds a touch of adventure, which you know from reading this post helps you get back that lovin’ feeling from the honeymoon period of your relationship!
Flirting with your honey is important.
Remember when you and your honey met and were first dating? At some point there were sneaky, smoldering glances, double entendres, butterflies, wittiness…and ok maybe I’m watching a little too much Luke & Lorelai but you know what I mean! There was liveliness & fun to your interactions that disappear over time. Sexting is one way to recapture that.
It’s a good, Low Risk way to practice your dirty talk
Dirty talk can be so fun and also so scary to do! Sexting is like dirty talk with training wheels – you get to try out different styles and edit what you say before sending. This doesn’t ensure you won’t ever write something that leads to, “huh?!” but it’s a lot easier, safe, & more comfortable to do from behind a screen than in the middle of sex!
You may not agree with me right now, especially if you’ve had an embarrassing sexting experience or feel too nervous to try. But trust me! Once you find what works for you, sexting becomes something to play with and enjoy. I give you a ton of tips below PLUS you can read this for more inspiration of one couple’s unique journey to talking about sex (hint: it involves gaming and it’s fucking adorable).
How to Sext
Sexting can simple or elaborate – and photos absolutely aren’t necessary
Most people way over think sexting. They worry about making it perfect – finding the right words and angle and amount of details – instead of just having fun with it.
You get to choose what you sext – there’s no right or wrong way to do it! Start wherever feels comfortable and go from there.
As you saw above, sexting can be as simple as, “BABY that was hot!” or “I can’t wait to see you later.” It also can be an elaborate story about exactly what you want to do to them later accompanied by photos. And it can fall somewhere in between.
sexting is telling your honey how you feel and what you want.
At it’s core – that’s all sexting is! If something turns you on, share it. If you read about something sexy that you want to try, tell them. If your hormones are making you all sorts of horny, let them know!
You can plan this out in advance or wait for a moment to inspire it, like I did above. It’s totally, compeltely up to you!
10 Tips for Sexting
I consider myself a pretty good sexter. But I have a friend who excels at it. I know this because we’re the type of friends who share screenshots of our sexts with each other. Whenever she sends me hers, I’m always like, “TEACH ME YOUR WAYS OH WISE ONE!”
She’s that good! So I asked her to share her top tips. #3 is my absolute favorite (which is no surprise if you’ve read this post).
- Don’t over complicate. Keep it basic until you get to know your honey’s sexting rhythms.
- Be patient. Don’t sweat the ellipsis and give your honey time to respond. Remember: their hands might be occupied elsewhere.
- Recycle. Avid romance novel fan? Not a brave dirty talker? Now’s the perfect time to borrow those lines that really get your blood pumping.
- Take it outside. Some people may need to give their full attention to their work but there can be something steamy about sending hot texts in a public space. Just be mindful who may be able to see over your shoulder.
- Get creative. Don’t be afraid to move past the ‘oh babies’ and ‘that’s hot.’ Bust out those sexy adjectives.
- Mind your and . Emojis can be fun but has anyone really been turned on by a picture of a peach?
- Know when to stop. No one hates a lingerer! Know when it’s time to let things come to fruition or take them off the phone and into the room.
- Pics optional. Not all sexting centers on the dick pic, take this an opportunity to tantalize with that literally muscle.
Check yourself, not their spelling. Grammar guru? Try to be forgiving, not everyone can focus on the MLA handbook of style during sexy times.
Have fun. Don’t worry if it takes time for you & your sweetie to hit your stride. Sometime you’ll click and other times it will be a flop. Remember, no great work was written in a day. It’ll take trial and error to find your sexy style.
Try, try, try again
Anytime you try something new, sexual or otherwise, it takes a while to figure out what works. There’s bound to be some snafus and embarrassing moments. That’s ok! Switch it up until you find something that you’re comfortable with and that gets you & your beau going.
And of course, if sexting isn’t you for you, that’s ok too. #freedominpleasure is about doing whatever feels good and ditching the rest.