Every couple of months or so, the beau or I realize that sex has gotten a bit…routine (boring even). Sometimes one of us comes right out and says it. Other times, we introduce a new idea a la, “Hey want to try x?” And that’s the reality of long term relationships: balancing the intimacy of routine sex with finding ways to make sex fun again.
Maybe this sounds familiar to you. Sex looks the same, you’re bored, or you have a secret fantasy that you’re afraid to share.
If that’s you then I have two pieces of good news:
- You’re totally not alone
- There are so many awesome ways —from totally vanilla to a little kinkier — to have more fun in the bedroom!
10 Ways to Make Sex Fun (Again)
These tips are from Megan Andelloux‘s class Sex on Fire: How to Play in Bed.
- Remember that sex ebbs and flows like anything else. If you’re in the ‘ebb’ stage, try something outside your comfort zone. This will add both anxiety and excitement and help recapture the “thrill” you’re looking for.
- Take the time to learn how your body works. This helps decrease shame and nervousness during sex, in turn letting you enjoy it more. Get specific tips for learning your body and what brings you pleasure in my e-guide, Six Tips to Having the Orgasm You Desire. Grab your copy here.
- Grab a full-length mirror and watch yourself masturbate. This takes away the, “OMG what do I look like when I’m on top?!” nerves and helps you feel more comfortable (but hopefully not too comfortable) getting vulnerable with your sweetie.
- Fantasize while you masturbate. Otherwise its just self-soothing behavior. Which, obviously, is totally ok if that’s what you’re going for….
- Give analingus a shot. Rimming is apparently the most popular form of anal play. Bonus tip: anal orgasms are totally possible thanks to a fun little part of your body called the pudendal nerve. Click here for more anal play tips.
- Add toys! Not sure how to bring up the topic with your partner? Try talking to them in the car so you both can get distracted by the scenery. Broach the topic by linking it to a news story, book, or even this blog post. “Hey babe – did you know they did x in the book? I was thinking it might be fun to try. What do you think?”
- Try for a G-spot orgasm. A flat-headed toy like the Je Joue Uma is best because it can access all different types of G-spots. Yes- you read that right. There actually are three types of G-spots. The types are based on how the tissue is laid out.
- Make your We-Vibe work for you. Wear it while going down on your partner or during girl on top (cowgirl) position. Or any of these 11(!) ways.
- Make safe(r) sexy really fricking sexy by using silicone lube and an internal/female condom. Both help to enhance sensation while providing the best protection from both STIs and unintended pregnancy. This silicone lube is my favorite.
- If you struggle to orgasm, and masturbating and fantasizing haven’t helped, stick something up your butt! Just please make sure it’s something that’s meant to go up your butt. This is where that pudendal nerve comes in again. This amazing nerve carries sensation from your vulva (or penis), the skin around your booty and perineum (aka the t’aint), and some pelvic muscles. Its basically a powerhouse of feel-good sensations and orgasm potential.
Love these tips and looking for more and personalized ways to make your sex life fun again? See what we can do together.