This post was originally published May 2014. Text and images have been updated.
Massage is the perfect sex act. It helps you create the right context, set the mood, connect with your beau, and get turned on. Plus, it makes experiencing orgasm easier by activating your your parasympathetic (“rest and digest”) nervous system, helping you feel safe enough to get vulnerable and enjoy sexy times.
My counseling clients agree in theory, but there’s a problem: one (or both) of them sucks at giving massage! To help, I asked my friend Nik, a massage therapist who leads Massage and Communication Through Touch workshops, for erotic massage tips to make it sexier, effortless, and all-around better for you and your beau.
10 Erotic Massage Tips
- Start and end with gentle touch. It’s oh-so-intimate and coaxes muscles to relax
- Be clear about the goals/intentions of the massage before you begin. Are you hoping the massage turns into something more? Just looking for a little unwinding? Do you want something in return? There’s no single right answer, just what’s right for you and you beau (and that you’re both on the same page).
- If you give a really good massage, your partner won’t be able to reciprocate. They’ll be totally blissed out! This is a good thing. But if you want them to return the favor, negotiate this before the massage begins!
- If you’re receiving a massage, do whatever you need to prepare yourself to be selfish during the massage. Take a shower to freshen up and relax your muscles, stretch, hydrate, meditate. Perform whatever rituals you need to get primed for pampering.
- Relax, trust, and let your partner help you. They’re doing something sweet- let them! Of course this is easier if you’ve established boundaries before starting the massage (see #2).
- Hand towels are your friend. They’re great for wiping up extra oil (or lube!) and when rolled, they are the perfect pillow for the back of the neck.
- A cold person is not a turned-on person. Pay attention to the temperature of the room and keep it a bit on the warmer side. You lose heat quickly if you’re naked and lying still. Think about other ways to make the space more intimate (e.g. soft music) and cozy (e.g. candles).
- Avoid the bed. It’s too squishy! Try putting the couch cushions or a thick blanket or comforter on the floor with a sheet over it.
- If you want to go deep, go slooooooow. Same rule for massage and penetration.
- Sensuality is all about surprise. Use the same pattern, then switch it up. Lull the person into a totally relaxed state…then wake ’em up (aka arouse them).
Massage is another way to show affection through touch.
We use touch to comfort, arouse, pleasure, soothe, or relax. Massage is one more way to do that. Plus it reduces stress and increases intimacy, helping you have a more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life.