This is How to Orgasm During Sex

2 people sititng facing each other on a bed, arms around each other and smiling. | How to Orgasm During Sex - Orgasm During Sex | Passion by Kait

This post on how to orgasm during sex is sponsored by the amazing We-Vibe. All opinions are my own.

One of the most common questions I hear from cis women is, “how do I orgasm during sex?” We’ve been taught that climaxing with a partner – heck at the same time as a partner – is the norm and what we should expect.

It isn’t true.

Mutual or simultaneous orgasms are fairly rare. And a max of 30% of cis women experience orgasm from penetration alone.

“Ok Kait,” you’re thinking, “that’s nice and all but I want to know how to orgasm during sex.” You wish that…

  • you could climax as easily, quickly, & strongly with a partner as on your own
  • you could have different types of orgasms & in different positions
  • you didn’t feel like you have to fight things off to climax
  • you had practical tips to try in the moment – and out

I get it – the desire to orgasm with your beau is strong. There’s something romantic and intimate and connecting about it. With that in mind, here’s 9 ways to get there during intercourse.

How to Orgasm During Sex

Redefine what orgasm means.

Did you know that orgasms exist on a spectrum? From full-body explosions to quiet whispers, any build-up-then-release is an orgasm. Plus your orgasm may feel different when you experience them from clitoral versus internal stimulation.

Start to notice and appreciate the smaller orgasms so you can build on them. Not sure how to do that? I explain in this post here.

Create the right context.

Most of what impacts your pleasure – and your orgasm – has nothing to do with the mechanics of sex itself. It’s things like: how you feel about yourself, your body, your partner, & your relationship; how stressed you are by whatever else is going on in your beautifully full life; and, how you feel about how you feel. You can learn more about creating the right context in this article.

For most people, the right context for intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex is low stress, high affection, and high trust. Take an honest look at your relationship right now – which of those areas do you need to work on? Not sure? Reflect on your favorite sexual experiences – what commonalities do you notice?

Get turned all the way on.

Most people with vulvas need 10-40 minutes of foreplay to be fully aroused – blood flowing to your clit, heart rate up, flushed, panting, & practically begging for it. The more aroused you go into intercourse, the easier it can be to experience orgasm.

Need some ideas for getting turned on fast? Here’s 11 of them.

don’t be afraid to touch yourself.

If you know how to get yourself off, bring that into sex with your beau.

Now if you’re  thinking “but that’s not really an orgasm during sex Kait!” here’s the truth: yes it is! Your orgasm always comes from you! Sometimes your honey facilitates that but your body and brain work together to make it happen. If all orgasm is self-orgasm than touching yourself during partner sex is no longer as taboo.

Plus I have yet to meet a partner who doesn’t love watching their honey touch themselves.

Slow & steady wins the race, always

Yes hard and fast can feel fucking amazing; but it isn’t the best way to get yours. Instead, have your honey slow down, and keep their strokes smooth and steady.

Train your brain to Orgasm during SEx

That means when you self pleasure don’t only focus on your clit. If that’s been your MO till now, that’s totally ok! But next time you masturbate, add in some penetration. Use your fingers, kegel beads, a dildo, or an insertable vibrator. Explore different positions, pressures, and sensations. When you find something that feels good, stick with it (see stay the course below).

Your orgasm may take longer or not happen at all but you’re making a connecting between vagina and pleasure that will serve your goal of climaxing during intercourse.

choose the best positions to hit your sweet spots.

That would be your clitoris & g-spot.

For the former, check out the coital alignment technique. My colleagues Em & Lo have fantastic how-to guide right here. Cowgirl/woman on top may be another great option- if the angles works, as you ride your beau your may be able to stimulate your clit on their pubic bone. If the geometry isn’t ever in your favor, you can always touch yourself.

For your g-spot, any position where they’re behind you is great. My go-to recommendation is doggy style. Spooning is another great and intimate option, particularly if your honey is well-endowed.

Stay the Course

Just like getting fully turned on takes time, so does an orgasm from sex. When something feels good, isn’t the time to get adventurous or mix things up. Instead, stay with it (or have your honey)! Let your pleasure build.

Care for any pain or trauma

If you struggle with pelvic pain of any kind or have experienced trauma, this could be blocking you from experiencing orgasm during intercourse. There are so many different ways to treat pelvic pain and trauma, from pelvic floor physical therapy to somatic experiencing to dearmoring, regular therapy, sacred intimacy, and beyond. Explore some options to find what feels the most pleasurable and yummy for you.

don’t be afraid to use toys, wisely

Using a sex toy makes you three times more likely to orgasm. That’s because toys are designed to stimulate your most sensitive areas. However, you want to use the best toy for the type of sex you’re having and that you & your beau are comfortable with. Here are a few ideas:

  • Help them last longer with a cock ring. The idea that cis women take longer to orgasm isn’t entirely unfounded. Which is why anything that helps your beau stay harder longer and you to speed up is awesome. That’s where a cock ring comes in. One of my current favorites is the We-Vibe Pivot. It’s compact but powerful, with rumbly but quiet vibrations. The band is stretchy to fit most girths. Plus, the little notch on the top is specifically designed to nestle between your lips and directly – but not pinpointedly – stimulate your clit.
  • Double your pleasure with a butt plug. Your butt is full of nerve endings that make it sensitive – the same nerves that make stimulating the clitoris and penis pleasurable! Use a vibrating butt plug like the Ditto to stimulate those nerves. Wearing a plug during intercourse also helps you feel fuller, which can mean more g-spot stimulation from your honey’s member. When you experience orgasm, your anal muscles will squeeze around the plug, making your orgasm feel stronger and more intesnse. The Ditto is on the smaller side, making it comfortable if you haven’t explored the backdoor that much.
  • Get g-spot and clitoral stimulation with penetration. This isn’t sorcery, it’s the We-Vibe Sync. This u-shaped toy essentially turns your beau into the rabbit vibrator. The smaller side goes inside to stimulate your g-spot; the larger arm nestles against your clitoris. If you’re thinking, “that’s cool but all bodies are different” you’d be right – and that’s why the Sync is the best version yet because you can adjust it to fit your unique shape and better target your g-spot and clitoris with more or less pressure. This lets the Sync stay comfortably in place even as you change positions during sex. Though, may I once again recommend doggy style?
  • Have them use a toy on you. Ok this one is cheating a little bit but hear me out – having your beau penetrate you with a toy can be hot and intimate AF. It may not technically be PIV but that’s ok because it feels delicious, deepens your connection with your beau, and gives you brand new stimulation. My current fave toy for this is the Rave. Rave is an asymmetrical vibrator  that feels different than anything else I’ve used. I have to be super turned on to enjoy it – otherwise the asymmetry doesn’t feel that good. But when I am – holy climax.

#treatyoself to these – or any other We-Vibe product – for 20% off! Click here to shop.

Sale ends 11/28

Experiencing orgasm during sex is a skill you can learn.

With some patience, open-mindedness, and creativity, these tips are your key to having your first or best orgasm during sex.

Kait xo

Big thank you to We-Vibe® for supporting #freedominpleasure and this post.  

We-Vibe® designs and manufactures world-leading couples and solo vibrators. Our world-class engineers and industrial designers work closely with sexual wellness experts, doctors and consumers to design and develop intimate products that work in sync with the human body. We use state-of-the-art techniques and tools to make sure our products set new industry standards for ergonomic design and high performance while remaining eco‑friendly and body-safe.

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