Mutual masturbation is one of our favourite “sex” hacks and one that many people aren’t familiar with.. Its great for busy weeknights when you don’t have as much timee to devote to sensual play. And its perhaps the easiest way to feel good, together. In honor of International Masturbation Month, here’s everything you need to know about mutual masturbation including what it is, tips, and techniques.
Mutual masturbation is self pleasuring, together
Don’t you love when things are exactly what they sound like? We do! You touch yourself, your beau(s) does the same, and voila. Of course, you can make it more complicated than that (keep reading!) but at its core, that’s it!
It offers many sex, intimacy, and relationship benefits
In addition to the health benefits of masturbating, mutual masturbation bestows additional benefits. Here are five of them:
It’s super intimate.
Sharing your self-pleasure habits with your beau requires vulnerability. They’re going to see exactly how you position your body, the face(s) you make when you experience orgasm, and more—and vice versa. In many ways, mutual masturbation can be more intimate than intercourse.
Watching someone you like, maybe even love, bring themselves pleasure is the ultimate visual treat. Think of it as your own erotica novel or porn film. Enough said!
You learn about each other
Watching teaches you how your beau gets off. When do they speed up or slow down? What might they have held back during other forms of partner sex? You don’t need to take notes (although if you’re into that, that’s cool too!). Just watching will give you insight into new ways to touch them.
It fills up your spank bank
And IMO you can never have too many sexual fantasies for future solo self-pleasure sessions.
It’s hot AF
Watching someone you like, maybe even love, bring themselves pleasure is the ultimate visual treat. Think of it as your own erotica novel or porn film. Enough said!
Read more: 13 Fun Sex Ideas for Couples that You Can Try Tonight
You feel more deeply connected
Any time you do something vulnerable and share a part of yourself, it deepens your connection to each other. Yes, even if you roll over, set your alarm, and then pass out. This spills over into other parts of your relationship as well. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself feeling kinder, more patient, and more loving to each other in the days that follow.
Read more: 21 Intimate Ideas for Couples to Instantly Reconnect
Mutual masturbation is also a sexy alternative for busy nights
Let’s be real—you have a beautifully full life of which sex is one part. Sometimes you want to get it on but you’re tired or don’t feel well. Maybe intercourse takes a really long time, or your pain is flaring and you don’t feel like communicating every 10 seconds that something does or doesn’t feel good.
Read more: How to Ask for What You Want in Bed
Mutual masturbation gives you all the intimacy of sex without the time commitment. You each know how to touch yourselves to get you there as quickly—or slowly if you prefer to elongate your pleasure—as you need.
You’re more likely to experience orgasm
People with vulvas typically experience orgasm more easily with self-pleasure than partner sex, especially in heterosexual relationships. Part of that is because heterosexual sex focuses so much on PIV and penetration alone doesn’t lead to orgasm for many vulva-havers. Part of it is performance anxiety or the pressure to reach a goal, which often blocks you from getting the very thing you want. And part of it is being able to get the exact type of stimulation you want. It’s often just easier to do on your own.
Read more: This is How to Orgasm During Sex
With mutual mastrubation, you get the best of both worlds. You get to experience orgasm more easily and you get to share that with your partner. It even makes having a simultaneous orgasm more likely.
Our favourite mutual masturbation techniques and tips
It can be as individual or shared as you want.
Here are a few mutual masturbation techniques to get you started (pun intended).
- Start with a few minutes of eye gazing, embracing, or other forms of mindful foreplay to get you going
- Kiss throughout
- Incorporate dirty talk
- Take turns watching each other
- Incorporate sex fantasies
- Stroke whatever part of their body you can reach
- Hold hands with your free hand
- Aim to have a simultaneous orgasm
- OR have one of you delay orgasm
- Lend your free hand (if you have one)
- Practice edging together
- Have one or more people wear a blindfold
- Incorporate other forms of kink and BDSM such as rope
Read more: How to Get What You Want in Bed
What about positioning?
The only rule is to get comfortable! Unless, of course, discomfort is part of your play.
- On your backs, side by side – great for holding hands and/or some role play being strangers
- Head to toe – this is great if one or both of you has a foot fetish
- On your sides, facing each other – this gives you the best visual show
- One of sitting in a chair and the other on the floor – great for power dynamics
- Mimicking whatever position you normally masturbate in
- Have one person stand and masturbate over the other – also great for power dynamics and being ejaculated or squirted on
- Have one person kneeling on the bed and the other standing behind them for a different type of show
It’s ok to feel nervous about these mutual masturbation techniques
Any new sex act can be a little intimidating at first. Be gentle on yourself and let this mutual masturbation guide reassure you! Remember that you like or love each other, and this is one more expression of that. Plus, if they get weird about how you masturbate, there might be other issues to discuss…
If that reassurance doesn’t help, incorporate some sensation play by blindfolding one (or both!) of you to remove the pressure. Bonus! When you take away one sense, it heightens all the others. Yes, please!
Lastly, an advance mutual masturbation tip: don’t judge the act based on your first—or first few—tries. It can take more than few tries to figure out how to make something work for you. That’s what creating a more intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life is all about.
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